A Counter Silent Treatment

”A counter silent treatment has been known to end romantic relationships, alienate friends – it can be devastating”.

A Counter Silent Treatment is a behavior where one ignores someone willing to communicate. An act of completely stops acknowledging them through all forms of communication. It is produced feelings of Fear, Obligation, and Guilt in people. This treatment happens when one partner pressures the other with requests, criticism, or complaints, and the other response with silence and emotional distance. A silent counter treatment is frequently used by people with mental illnesses and personality disorders like depression, anxiety, borderline, narcissistic personality disorder as a survival, self-protective or manipulative tactic. Explain by Examples;

1. An employee openly talks to other co-workers but refuses to talk to one.

2. A parent is ignoring a child.

3. A wife is willing to talk to her friend on the phone but refuses to speak to her husband.

4. Nonverbal displays of anger.

Succeed in dealing with ‘A Counter Silent Treatment’:

1. Cool off and emotionally readjust during or soon after a heated argument. It’s natural to withdraw from communication when you feel hurt or want to avoid saying the wrong things in the heat of the moment. This pause allows space to solve the problems.

2. Shut down due to poor communication skills; Modeling this behavior from a parent or others who avoided conflict because they haven’t learned how to effectively talk about their thoughts and feelings.

3. Manipulate and control; Manipulators use this to express passive violence and covert emotional abuse. This can damage the self-esteem of the person on the receiving end.

4. Get support from others who understand personality disorders and can relate to what you are going through.

5. Express your feelings using “I” statements- but only do this once. “I feel uncomfortable right now.”

6. Remember that what the person is feeling is temporary, and they will probably feel different in a few days or a few hours.

7. If possible, turn a silent counter treatment into a time-out and use the time to go work on yourself.

8. Exit the room or the environment to think more clearly without all the pressure.

A silent counter treatment is sometimes used as a control mechanism. This being ‘Silent’ communicates a signal. This treatment is a recognized form of abusive supervision. Other forms include:

1. Reminding the victim of past failures.

2. Failing to give proper credit.

3. Wrongfully assigning blame.

4. Blowing up in fits of temper.

Tactical ignoring is a strategy where a person gives no outward sign of recognizing a behavior, such as no eye contact, no verbal response or electronic response, and no physical response. However, the person remains aware of the behavior and monitors the individual to ensure their safety and the safety of others. It is like, although not identical to a silent counter treatment, in that tactical ignoring is a behavioral management technique that, when correctly applied, can reduce undesirable behaviors.

Why people choose to go Silent:

1. To punish the other person.

2. To control the other person or manipulate the situation.

3. To inflict emotional pain.

4. They weren’t taking me seriously, so communication just seemed pointless.

5. Feeling too overwhelmed to talk about or deal with the issue.

6. Afraid of my temper.

7. I am afraid of how the other person will react to what I have to say.

8. Hoping time will make the problems disappear or out of sight, out of mind.

9. I wanted them to feel the pain they were putting me through.

A silent counter treatment involves actions of the target person that includes:

1. They are refusing to speak to them.

2. You are not acknowledging what they say.

3. They are ignoring their phone calls, text messages, etc.

4. She was pretending not to hear them.

5. They are avoiding their company.

6. They are not acknowledging their feelings and opinions.

7. We are dropping off the radar for a long time, reappearing, acting as though nothing happened, and everything has always been exemplary.

8. They are ignoring their needs and requests to communicate clearly.

9. Behavior intended to make them feel invisible or invalid.

What not to do while ‘A Counter Silent Treatment’:

1. Don’t stay in the same room or company as a person behaving passively-aggressively any longer than necessary.

2. Don’t try to find a logical explanation for a personality-disordered person’s strange behavior. It’s better to chalk it down to the mental illness and move on.

3. Don’t use a silent counter treatment on others. It rarely improves communication.

4. Don’t blame yourself for it. A silent counter treatment is a poor choice of communication strategy, and that is not your choice.

5. Don’t t escalate the situation or try to force a passive-aggressive person who is using a silent counter treatment to snap out of it – you will likely turn them from passive to hostile aggressive.