If you simply agree to what others say even when you don’t like it, it pleases them. Whenever you behave in a good manner to not hurt them by protesting to it, it is pleasing. There is an unhealthful behavior pattern that people can get into where they feel the need to make other people happy, and they neglect their own needs and feelings. The problem with people-pleasing is that you’re aware of it all describing, but you feel helpless to do anything about it. It is also understandable that what the other person is suggesting isn’t going to make you happy. What they think is theirs. Their idea of you is theirs. Their judgment of you is theirs. They are free to hold any they like. They are free to do anything they like – so long as it doesn’t interrupt on your own or divest you of it. you want to say no, but you are frozen in fear of what their reaction might be or having to give a reason why. So, you say yes, even if you don’t want to.
Unfortunately, this has happened to me a lot. It was very difficult for me to find motivation in life. People-pleasing trickles into every part of our life: your job, your relationships, your family, and your friends. It is painful suffering that eats away at your motivation and stops you from achieving your goals. I was in the same situation, and it was strengthening out of control because of the pressure of saying yes to everything and then focusing on other people’s feelings rather than my own feeling. We’re not everyone’s cup of tea. Some people will love us and think we’re the cat’s meow, and some people will think we’re just so-so, and some people will think we’re terrible. That’s life, and it’s totally okay. It is not to mention the fact that not everything about us is likable or worthy of respect!
People-pleasing drains your most valuable resources: time and energy. Just think how much energy you waste by obsessing about what other people think of you or manipulating your actions to satisfy others. I am a big-hearted person, and it feels wonderful to love others! But being and acting from love is not people-pleasing. People-pleasing is different because it involves an attachment; there is a high risk of an expectation. You may think being a people pleaser makes you a good person, but it’s selfish to be a people pleaser. Why? Because being attached to pleasing others is really about you. You want to be liked. You do not want to upset anyone. You want to look good for others. Eventually, you are protecting yourself from conflict.
When you say No, it’s a self-honoring choice that is not selfish. You can be for yourself without being against anyone else. Be self-honoring by making choices that support your core values. Making choices based on how you will be perceived by others, how someone else will respond, or what you think you should do may interrupt your values. How people respond is their responsibility, not yours! I know this may sound silly to you, but we really do not have the power to make anyone feel anything. You are only responsible for honesty communicating without going into blame, finger-pointing, and expectations.
I understand it may be scary, but what’s even scarier is making choices that disturb your values because it builds anger. Your value does not come from the way others perceive you. Your life is not defined by the expectations of others. What other people think of you is none of your business. SO, I encourage you to take a big step today toward avoiding future expectations!
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